Goths Go Greenbelt

You'd be forgiven for thinking that we're all sat around in the middle of Cheltenham racecourse looking fed up coz it's pouring with rain. But as goth could be seen as a reflection of a negative reality, the glum faces and umbrellas are due to the fact that the sun was shining and it was hot! Welcome to Greenbelt 2006 goth style...

Strangely enough, after our bizarre club-performance thing last year, we (i.e. 'Ara') were invited back again to put on something for the goth worship slot with another group called 'Happygoff'. Initially this was to be from 11pm till 1am on the Saturday night at Greenbelt, but due to a slight case of overbooking we were put back and shortened to a 12.15am till 1.45am slot. Needless to say, we were all overjoyed by the knowledge that we wouldn't even be starting our bit till one in the morning! My fault for suggesting 'Abnocto' as a title for the event, which is Latin for 'stay awake all night'...

You'd think preparing something that only lasts forty-five minutes would be relatively simple, wouldn't you? Wrong! In fact there seems to be some weird paradoxical warp in time and space where Greenbelt's concerned as it takes more work than most other things. There's coming up with and moulding the ideas, ripping, burning and mixing music, designing and printing promotional material and 'service sheets', sourcing and buying costumes and props (it's amazing how difficult it can be to find a decent latex robot mask with flashing lights on it!) and of course I like to leave enough time to get really stressed...

As Jamie and Malika had both already been away on holiday, me and Dudie went crazy and decided to go to Greenbelt without them- our first time away on our own in eleven years EVER (apart from the thousands of other campers of course)! It's amazing what you can squeeze into a trendy Nissan Micra (surely the next Bond car)- shame Eyan couldn't move or breathe for the entire journey due to the amount of stuff crammed on top of him... and underneath him... and to the sides of him... you get the idea :-)

Apart from the traditional boring delay at Birmingham, we had a reasonable journey and arrived mid-afternoon. In fact the journey to Cheltenham probably took less time than it did to drive round the entire campsite trying to spot Lucy who was guarding the Sanctus 1 area! We succeeded in putting up our expensive posh tents without too much trauma but a little too much horse pooh for my liking (two tents for under twenty quid- one for people, one for stuff in an attempt to be vaguely organised- that's Asda price apparently). By teatime we were scoffing Quorn casserole, sipping wine, and feeling rather smug as new people arrived- in a loving, caring kind of way, obviously. We checked in at Base Camp later on, or the Organic Beer Tent as some people seemed to call it, then attempted to squeeze two people into our three man tent (whoever the third man was intended to be, he must've been INCREDIBLY small!)

I seem to remember that Dudie's first words in the morning were "I'm never coming to Greenbelt ever again" or words to that effect, reflecting her displeasure at the freezing temperatures we'd endured overnight- just being fussy if you ask me. Anyway, after several lethal coffees and carefully timed trips to the 'facilities' (i.e. getting to the toilets just after they've been cleaned but before everyone else has noticed- and you try sticking your hair up into a mohican without a mirror in the middle of a racecourse!) we felt vaguely human for the arrival of Matt, Yvonne and John mid-morning. Mike and Cal who come to Ara moved their tent nearer ours, to avoid annoyingly loud kids or to hang out with us- you decide! ;-) A goth shrine was set up by the ladies after several hours spent actually finding where it was, then a warmer night's sleep was appreciated by all after I nearly lost consciousness running the length and breadth of Greenbelt trying to aid the Devine...

Having met up with our fellow goths from Happygoff, who were organising the first half of the slot, and the wondrous Dave B, I was quietly confident that all would be well for the Saturday night (or rather Sunday morning)- yeah right! I still found plenty of time to get stressed, though not as much as my poor wife who I seriously thought wouldn't be able to take part due to nerves. However, we were all very organised, the band before us finished early (a miracle rarely witnessed at Greenbelt) and even all the equipment worked when we came to set up. Sadly I was far too manic to really take in Happygoff's Eucharist service bit, but it's not easy to relax when you're about to go onstage in the aforementioned latex robot mask- trust me. When I finally did go onto the stage, the combination of mask, dress, glo-sticks, lights and smoke meant that I felt in serious danger of falling over any second!

The first part had been full of people, and apparently more were queuing up outside to get in for our 'club worship' bit, which I find bizarre, amusing and encouraging but not necessarily all at the same time. So what does one do for a 'goth club worship' slot? Well if you've got any good answers then you could've told me earlier in the year! Basically, we started by seeking out appropriate tracks and then tried to think up weird and wonderful ways to do something related onstage- ask John about the aborted Killing Joke song and ping pong balls (strange but true!) There were four sections, attempting to reflect four aspects of Jesus: EBM (Priest), Goth (Martyr), Metal (Prophet) and Punk (Rebel). Anyway, here's what we did:

1. It's Grim in the North - The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu (Matt onstage behind the decks with lots of smoke and theoretically no lights, the latter didn't quite happen! Dudie and Yvonne gave out glo-sticks to people)

2. Resurrection - L'Ame Immortelle (Kol comes on in the dreaded outfit and attempts to dance without collapsing on to the monitors to get things going)

3. Standing - VNV Nation (Kol has a moment to find his footing and is joined by Dudie who's wearing a bright purple fur coat- they leave at the end and Kol realises he's lost several pounds in sweat when he takes the mask off backstage and rips his outfit whilst changing)

4. God is a DJ - Yvonne stands alone onstage doing sign language to accompany the song lyrics

5. Heaven Knows - The Mission (Yvonne and Dudie dance with fans and Kol wears OTT goth clothes including a 'Witchfinder' hat complete with long black hair)

6. Close to Me - The Cure (Kol claps with Mickey Mouse hands, Dudie plays a toy keyboard and Yvonne plucks a comb)

7. Hope - Bauhaus (Kol rips off Bob Dylan by holding up cards with lyrics on)

8. Chop Suey - System of a Down (Yvonne MOSHES- go girl!!!)

9. I'm Dying - VAST (Kol and Dudie walk on dressed as monks then boogie)

10. Pearl - Extol (Kol and Yvonne do a weird dance wearing blank masks)

11. Oh Bondage Up Yours - X-Ray Spex (Dudie and Yvonne pogo wearing bin liners)

12. If the Kids are United - (Kol joins the ladies in a subtle punk dance)

13. Prince Charming - (Kol is transformed by Yvonne and Dudie from punk to prince and they all do the 'Prince Charming' dance- another of Kol's childhood fantasies fulfilled!)

14. Personal Jesus - Richard Cheese (a lounge lizard version of the Depeche Mode classic accompanied by cocktails onstage- empty glasses, actually which was a shame for all concerned)

And that- apparently- is 'goth worship'- hurrah!

So what was the day after like, having not going onstage till 1am (so technically later in the same day)? I'll leave it to Yvonne to explain when we met up at Base Camp...

Until next year, Dudie? ;-)